Mouth Shut, Eyes Open
by Lulu Veronica
Summary: Riza confronts Roy about her feelings and makes a decision on what she wants to do about the love and anger that has built up since the death of Furher Bradley. [Post Movie][Royai]
1. Mouth Shut

-- Eyes Open, Mouth Shut --

- A Full Metal Alchemist FanFiction -

Part One - Mouth Shut

"YOU LIAR!" Riza shouted painfully at Roy as he took off in that hot air balloon. It hadn't been more than a few hours since he'd returned. She had smiled for him. Riza couldn't believe she'd smiled for him. Sitting as she did now, at a table in Central Head-quarter's mess hall, cleaning one of her pistols, Riza thought about the past three years. Black Hyate had grown. He was a good strong dog now.

Riza on the other hand hadn't changed at all. She had clung to the last days of Furher Bradley's regime, to the few weeks after when she'd forced her care on Roy after he'd been shot. Roy had seemed so happy to have her around. She'd thought that her feelings had been made obvious, and that she understood his.

And then one day everything changed. Roy quit the military, reenlisted, and took a post far in the north. For three years, Riza had forced herself to live with a crushed spirit and without the Flame Alchemist. She had remained working with Havoc, Furey, Breda, and Fallman, but that wasn't enough for her. She wanted to work with Roy. there had been opportunities to go see him, but she refused. Seeing him would only make it hurt more.

The day finally came when her one desire was granted. Roy came back to them, to her. The gate to the other side had been opened, and the other world began attacking Amestris. When all hope had seemed lost, there he was, the Flame Alchemist to save the day. All of her doubts, her pain, her regret was gone. She had smiled for him...

There it was again! That smile! Riza hated it, hated herself for it. She clicked the clip back into the gun, completing it's reassembly and she stood, tucking it into her belt. She wandered through the halls distantly, only giving Maria Ross a half hearted wave as they passed in the hall. Maria looked back at her with worry, but simply moved on as she had work she needed to do.

As Riza opened the door and shut it, she made eye contact with no one, especially not Roy Mustang, who sat behind his old desk, filing through paperwork. He had been promoted once again to Colonel at the insistence of several military men and the grace of the country's new parliament. He looked up at the sound of the door opening and shutting and frowned. Roy knew Riza was angry with him, and knew for a fact that she was one to hold quite the grudge.

"Lieutenant..." Roy started.

"Save it, sir." She hissed, grabbing a stack of completed reports off his desk to file away. Roy sighed and shook his head and grew quiet. He didn't want to upset her further. The other four men of the office watched the brief exchange with pity for their leader. They all knew Roy hadn't mean to hurt Riza, he had only been doing what he'd had to do to protect the Elric's. Of course, none of them would say anything, lest they also have to incur her wrath.

Roy continued sorting through paperwork, and Riza continued filing. The monotonous work gave both time to think. Roy wanted to apologize, make thing sup to his Lieutenant. Over then entire time they had known each other, Riza had been more than he could ever have hoped to have in his life. She protected him, kept him in his place, and was willing to do anything if it was for his benefit. He had grown to love her, but had never acted on it because of military protocol. If he had, both of them would have lost their jobs. Even now, he still did, and was still under the same restrictions. Roy shook his head, he didn't have a choice. He had to tell her. He had to explain everything.

Riza was not nearly as optimistic as her superior officer. She knew all of the things she'd done for him, and all of the things he'd done for her, but that was no longer enough. Roy had abandoned her, not just once but twice! When he'd left during that battle he hadn't said a word. He just went away, and Riza had no idea if he would come back to her again. That was her point of no return. She ran through scenarios in her head, ways to get out. She could resign... No that would cost her her job. She had nothing else but the military. Guns were her talent, where else could she put them to use? Then it hit her. She would do exactly what Roy had done to her. She would leave, transfer to a different headquarters.

Riza turned to speak to Roy, as he stood from his desk to speak with her. The two stood eye to eye, and in perfect unison, "I need to speak with you." The colonel and the lieutenant frowned at each other, as the other four members of the office looked on in fear.


	2. Eyes Open

"I would like to speak first, sir." Riza said slowly. Roy nodded.

"All right, Lieutenant. I can handle that." He exhaled, trying to make eye contact with her, but she would continue looking away. Riza clenched a fist at her side. Why did it suddenly hurt so much to say it? She bit her lip and shook her head. She had to say it. It had to be done.

"Sir, as of today, I am requesting a transfer to South City Headquarters." Riza lifted her head, finally making eye contact as she broke the news to him, "I plan on putting in for the transfer before I leave this evening."

Roy stared, trying to determine if she was serious, trying to convince himself that she was playing a joke on him. But Riza's eyes never lied. "Lieutenant... You can't be serious. Why would you do that?"

"My personal feelings are interfering with my work, sir." She spoke bitterly to Roy, trying to keep back the tears. It shouldn't have hurt like this. This is what she wanted! "I can no longer bring myself to work beside someone I care this deeply for."

Roy could feel it in his chest as something cracked, and then shattered. "Lieu-- Riza, why didn't you talk to me first? If something was bothering you, you should have said something to me."

"As if talking would have changed anything." Riza hissed, "I waited three years for you, Roy! Three years! You seemed to happy, being with me, and then you just left! And now you expect me to just pretend like nothing happened?! I can't do that!"

"Riza!"

"Is that the only time I have a name to you!? When you're upset with me?! The rest of the time I'm just 'Lieutenant'! It's like you don't even think of me as a person! All you care about is the military! I don't know why I ever deluded myself to think otherwise!"

"Because the military was the only time I ever got to be close to you!" Roy grabbed her arm, his voice raising to match hers. "Do you think I kept you around just for laughs?! God damn it, Riza! We're both officers! I couldn't just come out and say something like that!"

"What about all of those other girls you went out with?! What about the time we spent together!?" Riza demanded, shoving Roy back. He frowned at her.

"They were all to gain information. They were all involved with crimes I was investigating. That was it. I only ever saw any of them once." He carded a hand through his hair over the eye patch, the cover for the constant memory of those times three years ago. "The time during my recovery was the most pleasant time of my life."

"Then why did you leave?!" That had been the question that had tugged at her mind and her heart for three years. Roy had flinched at the question, or at her tone, she couldn't tell. But he had flinched and she got some gratitude out of that. Roy slowly moved forward, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Riza's shoulders tightly, resting his head against hers. She hung limp against him, not moving to return the embrace or even acknowledge it. She didn't feel anything other than lost and misplaced as he held her.

"I'm sorry for that, Riza. I'm sorry for walking out on you, abandoning you, leaving you behind. I didn't want to you to see me in the condition I fell into." His voice lowered as he remembered they weren't alone in the office. "I didn't want you to hurt like I did, and I didn't think it through enough." Roy let his head settle against Riza's shoulder. She still didn't move.

"I'm sorry isn't good enough, Roy. I'm through letting you play with me." She responded in the same tone. "I trusted you, and you walked out me. I thought you knew me well enough to know that I would help you through anything. But I don't want to put myself through this again. I can't give up anymore of my life to you, Roy. It hurts too badly as it is." Roy held her tighter, hoping for her to either embrace him or push him away, to just react somehow. But she did neither. She just stood, waiting patiently for him to let go. Roy could feel as the ache in his chest grew, and much to his, and even Riza's surprise, the Flame Alchemist had started to cry.

"I am begging you, Riza."

"I can't, Roy. I don't like what I've become because of you."

"Do you hate me now?"

"No."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"We should never have gone this far, sir." Riza shut her eyes against the images in the room, against the other four staring at them, against Roy in the corner of her eye, against their reflection in the window. "I'd like to go now."

"Then I'm going to resign from he military all together." This caught Riza off guard and she shoved him back, staring at him.

"W-What?"

"I have no other reason to stay in the military if you leave me, Riza. You're the reason I came back." He looked at her, helpless. She didn't want to react, she didn't want to feel anything towards him, no love, no hate, nothing! But this was way too much for the poor woman.

"Stop it, Roy!" She glared at him, "What are you doing?! You can't quit because of me!" She pulled a hand through her bangs. "No. You're just trying to confuse me. You're trying to change my mind." Riza backed herself against a wall, shaking her head. "Stop it!"

"If you'd like to leave Lieutenant, I won't stop you." Roy frowned, taking a few steps back. "I can't stop you, it's your decision. But if you leave, I will retire. I'm not joking."

"I said stop it!" Riza shoved passed Roy, running out into the hall.

"Riza!" She ignored the shouting behind her, pushing past anyone in her way. It wasn't until she was out among the military warehouses that the lieutenant finally stopped, sinking to her knees, crying and trying to catch her breath. She lifted her eyes at the sound of a small whine to find Black Hayate, on his way home from burying the remains of his breakfast, confused as to why his "mother" was so upset. Riza reached forward, pulling the dog into her lap.

"Why is he doing this to me, Black Hayate? Why can't I just leave him?" She sobbed against the small dog's fur. Black Hayate barked at her and licked her face, trying to get her to stop. He wasn't used to her acting this way, and it almost frightened him. He pawed at her shoulder, then lifted his head and barked towards behind Riza. She flinched.

"Maybe it's because you don't really want to go." Roy's hands were stuffed in his pockets as she looked down at his lieutenant.

Riza stared up at Roy over her shoulder. For a few moments her expression still showed how hurt and lonely she was over his abandonment, but soon enough she just looked apathetic again; as if she refused to give him the satisfaction of her emotions. Roy simply offered her his hand, "Take your time, Riza." Whether or not she'd take his hand would be the breaking moment for them. That's what it all came down to.

And for a long time, everything was still. The colonel and the lieutenant started at each other, Black Hyate sat in Riza's arms, aware of the tense situation, and even the wind was still. Everything seemed to ride on what was to come next.

Riza put down her dog and pushed herself to her feet on her own. Roy frowned and put his hands back in his pockets. "I understand." Roy turned on his heel, looking back at the Lieutenant. "Then, good-bye, Riza."

"Good-bye, Roy." Riza frowned. The two parted ways there. Riza filed the paperwork for her transfer to South City headquarters, and Roy filed once again for his resignation. Within the week both were approved.


	3. Mended Heart

Riza picked up her bag as her shift ended. Most of her work in South City was the same as it had been in Central. The weight on her chest was gone, and she was able to do her job with no interruptions. She had adjusted well to her new life. Even so, for some reason, Riza could never quite bring herself to really smile. She couldn't figure it out, but she didn't think of it much.

She whistled sharply. Black Hayate lifted his head and looked at his "mother" before jumping to his feet, barking happily as he trotted to Riza's side. She looked down at the dog and gave a half-hearted smile. "Good boy. Time to go home." Black Hayate followed Riza as she walked down the street to her new apartment.

"Hello, Ms. Hawkeye." Riza froze in her tracks. No, it couldn't be. Black Hayate turned and barked loudly. "Shh. It's okay Black Hayate. It's only me."

"No. It can't be you." Riza turned to face Roy, taking a step back. "I left you in Central."

"I retired to South City." Roy smiled, "I'm not an officer anymore, Ms. Hawkeye."

"Stop calling me that."

"Would you prefer Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"No. Just go away. Leave me alone." She turned away from him again, tapping her hip with the ball of her hand to get Black Hayate's attention.

"Can I ask you something first?"

"Fine." The dog whined and trotted to her heels.

"Would... you like to have dinner sometime?" Roy gave a comforting smile when his former Lieutenant looked back at him with those pretty brown eyes. She looked confused, and a little hurt.

"Why should I go with you now?"

"Because there's no one to say we can't. There's nothing to say an officer can't go out and have dinner with a civilian."

"Why did you follow me out here, Roy?" Riza glared at him. Roy slowly, cautiously, took a step toward her.

"I know it's bold of me to ask, but I wanted to try again."

"No." Riza snapped quickly. If it wasn't for the small, playful smile on Riza's face as she turned her back to him, he would have given up. But that one glimmer of emotion, of hope, told Roy what he needed to know, and caused him to persist.

"That's a shame. I know of a very nice little place on the edge of the city. Very good food." Roy looked upward.

"Perhaps just to humor you, just for old times sake." Riza pulled a hand through her hair with a gentle laugh. She looked over her shoulder at Roy with the first real smile she'd given since her move to South City. She realized how much she'd regretted leaving. But now, she didn't regret her decision anymore.

"When should I pick you up?"

"Let me take Black Hayate home, and we'll go from there." She reached over and took his hand, "And I want you to call me Riza."


End file.
